Passed a real gentleman on the sidewalk tonight
| Dude [into cellphone]: | I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR FUCKING JAW THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU. DO YOU HEAR ME? YOUR FUCKING JAW. I'M GONNA BREAK- hold on, give me a second. There's a woman walking by. |
i love when flies rub their hands together thinking of ways to murder me
(Source: elizabreast, via imafraid-shesrather0dd)
| Friend: | You've never heard that song before? |
| Me: | No. |
| Friend: | What, have you been living under a rock? |
| Me: | Punk Rock |
| satan: | let there be wifi passwords |
| satan: | let there be calories |
| satan: | let there be post limit |
| satan: | let there be swag |
| satan: | let there be crocs |
| satan: | let there be twilight |
| satan: | let there be YOLO |
| satan: | let there be Glee |
you wake up. its a beautiful day. the world is brand new. but then, just as you get up out of bed and open the curtains to admire the new day, you see it. the entire sun has been replaced with nikki minaj’s face. it stares down at you, unflinching, unyielding. and in 3 days, unless you do something, it will crash down to earth and destroy everything. your quest has begun
(via zieu)
Answer:
omgz guise i invented this website of course ive been on it
how to kiss
[step 1] open your mouth as wide as possible. make sure to stick out your tongue as far as you can, too, since kisses are like, 90% that thing
[step 2] find someone to kiss. you will know they want to kiss because their tongue will also be extended at full length
[step 3] move in for the kill
(via imafraid-shesrather0dd)
| News in Britain: | stamps have gone up 14 pence |
| News in America: | cannibal eats man's face |
